


And When Love Comes Knocking, Will You Open The Door?

by estriel, MsDaring



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Romance, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 11:29:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20581772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/pseuds/estriel, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsDaring/pseuds/MsDaring
Summary: Two sets of nuptials, two kisses, approximately a million tears, and one love story. The only question is - who will end up with whom, in the end?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story only happened because the lovely [MsDaring](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsDaring/pseuds/MsDaring) drew me a picture (which you'll find at the end of this chapter) and gave me a word prompt, _valediction_. 
> 
> Then she drew me more pictures (which you'll see in the upcoming chapters) and thus the story was born and written. 
> 
> Thank you, Bea, for providing such inspiration, and for sharing your wonderful art with me! <3

_What a tragedy_

_it would be_

_if you were too afraid_

_to love me._

_-_ Chloë Frayne

Marina had thrown a fit when they were poring over the guest list and Javi stubbornly wrote Yuzu’s name down despite her protests. At the time, Javi didn’t understand her outrage. Now… now he thinks he maybe does.

They’re alone in Javi’s room, his three groomsmen just out the door, and Javi can’t take his eyes off Yuzu. It’s as if he’s forgotten just how beautiful Yuzu is, now that he’s no longer exposed to him on a daily basis. It’s like a kick in the gut now, the way those dark eyes burn, the way a few stray pieces of hair fall down to Yuzu’s forehead, breaking his smooth, polished appearance just a tiny bit and making him all the more attractive for it.

All the emotions Javi had stomped out when he decided to move to Spain after his retirement suddenly well up again, as fresh and intense as if they had never left. They never really did, Javi realizes, he had just forced them into a box and sealed it shut so that he could pretend the life he had planned for himself was the life he truly wanted.

“You look good,” Yuzu comments, voice sad and eyes sadder as he gives Javi a quick once-over. He leaves his gaze downcast, studying Javi’s shoes, or perhaps the tips of his own – they’re standing way too close, come to think of it, their feet almost touching, and Javi can barely hold back the urge to step even closer.

“Not as good as you,” he blurts, then panics when Yuzu’s eyes snap up to his, surprised. It’s the truth, of course: Yuzu cleans up well now that his suits are not a size too big anymore, clinging to his slender form in all the right places. Javi just did not quite intend to say that out loud. But now that the words are out, he’s hesitant to take them back, make a joke of them like he probably should…

Instead, he raises a hand and carefully wraps it around the back of Yuzu’s neck, the way he used to.

“Javi…” Yuzu starts slowly, eyes searching, and Javi is taken back to PyeongChang and then to his last days of training in Toronto, back to the anxiety he had felt as he hugged Yuzu goodbye then, the wrongness of it thick and bitter in his throat.

The memory makes Javi shiver and he pulls Yuzu closer to himself now, to keep that ache at bay. Yuzu lets him, leaning his forehead against Javi’s as if he, too, felt what Javi is feeling – that pull that’s always been there, all these years, along with the exhilarating sense of teetering on the edge of something... something that never quite happened.

“Why are you doing this?” Yuzu whispers, bold as ever, and Javi doesn’t need to ask what he means, not with the way Yuzu glances down at Javi’s outfit once more, at the whole wedding ensemble, the small pin with flowers attached to his lapel. He feels Yuzu’s breath then, a quivering hotness between them, and it unravels something inside Javi.

“I don’t know,” he admits, confused and torn and absolutely fucking terrified. “I don’t know,” he says again as he leans forward that final inch, fitting their lips together at last.

It shocks him how good it feels, and how different from what he had thought kissing Yuzu would be like. He had always thought they’d kiss the way they skated, ravenous for victory, locked in a constant battle for dominance, strong and urgent, a sudden spike of blazing heat between them.

Instead, it’s a falling together, soft, gentle, Yuzu’s lips opening just a fraction, hesitant under his, Yuzu’s fingers almost unbearably tender as they thread into his hair, then travel down the side of his face to cup and caress his jaw.

Javi closes his eyes, lets himself feel it as if in a wonderful dream.

Except this is not a dream, this is reality, and too soon Yuzu is stepping away, and when Javi looks at him, he sees that Yuzu’s eyes are swimming in tears.

“Yuzu, what – “ he stammers, momentarily bewildered, rendered stupid by the taste of Yuzu’s lips. But of course he knows _what_. It’s his own doing. He also knows he has the power to _undo_ this, make that dream become a new reality.

“Will you marry her?” Yuzu asks, voice trembling, his mouth pressed into a thin line as he tries to hold the tears back, pain writ large upon his face.

“I –“ Javi says, heart pounding in his chest. “I can’t leave now,” he chokes out and feels like there’s a million worms squirming inside his belly. He _could_. It would be hard but he _could _leave now…

Yuzu’s quiet gasp is like a lance right through Javi’s heart. Yuzu looks at him a moment longer, chin up as if gravity could keep those tears from falling, his mouth slightly ajar as if he couldn’t quite draw a breath.

_Do something_, Javi tells himself, but he can’t, this is his life now, he can’t just –

Yuzu blinks, and the tears slide down his face. Then the shutters come down, and he looks at Javi with eyes that are as good as dead. He nods a little, more to himself than anything else. “Sayonara,” he whispers, and then he’s out the door, and out of Javi’s life. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving on to wedding number two...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a big fat thank you goes to MsDaring for the incredible art! <3

_If you love something so much let it go. If it comes back it was meant to be; if it doesn't it never was._

\- Albert Schweitzer

Yuzu feels strangely numb, like he’s just going through the motions while he greets all the guests as they arrive for the rehearsal dinner later in the day, giving out smiles and shaking hands, accepting hugs and well-wishes.

The faces blur together, but the one he had been hoping to see, while at the same time dreading it, does not show. Of course Javi wouldn’t come. It was a stupid idea to invite him, anyway, like pouring salt into a wound. It’s been over two years and still the thought of Javi makes everything inside Yuzu seize up worse than any pre-competition nerves he’s ever felt.

He would feel awful about all of this if it hadn’t been Kumiko who suggested it in the first place, just casually throwing it out there one night, her Canadian roots showing more than her Japanese heritage in that moment.

_Why don’t we just marry each other, Zu_, she had said, then rolled her eyes._ If my mother asks me one more time when I’ll finally get a husband, I swear I will jump off a bridge. _Or perhaps not so Canadian, because if she was, she would not be as closeted as Yuzu is, though he does have his fame as an extra excuse.

It does make sense, Yuzu has decided, and would keep the fans and the media off his back, while at the same time… well, at least he won’t be breaking anybody’s heart with this arrangement. At least Kumiko knows the whole truth, and is not interested in love he cannot give, nor in anything else he can offer her other than friendship.

Still, he feels like a fraud standing there, chattering with Saya as she helps him tie the hakama. He is grateful for her company. It is just the rehearsal tonight, of course, but his stomach is still in knots, his limbs leaden.

“You’re sure about this, Yuzu?” Saya asks, smoothing out some crease on his back, and Yuzu doesn’t need to see her face to sense her concern.

He takes a calming breath. “It’s a good option,” he shrugs, and hears Saya’s sigh from behind his shoulder. “I know it’s not ideal,” he admits, chewing his lip. “But everyone has these expectations and I just – I’m tired, Saya.”

She walks around him and sits down on the bed in front of him, her brows furrowed and arms crossed. She looks more and more like their mom with every passing year, Yuzu realizes.

“You don’t owe them anything,” she says gently and Yuzu loves her for it, even though he knows he won’t be able to heed her advice, or let go of the burden he’s taken up. “You don’t have to do this.”

Yuzu sighs and lets his head drop, worrying at the himo with his fingers. “Maybe I don’t… but what’s the point, anyway?” What’s the point when he can’t ever have what he wants, he wants to say.

Sometimes he wishes Javi had never even kissed him. Then at least he wouldn’t have that memory, of how perfect it had felt for those few moments before they pulled apart and had to face the truth of the matter. It has been haunting him all this time, knowing _exactly_ what he wanted, and how lovely it would be… while also knowing that he could never have it.

Other times, Yuzu is glad Javi had kissed him. This way, he has a point of comparison, can rank his occasional lovers by how close they manage to bring him to that feeling of rightness, and based on that decide whether he wants to see them a second time… None of them ever come close, of course, and after each encounter, Yuzu thinks that maybe he really is a masochist, for doing this to himself. It hurts more than those first quad axel attempts had hurt, kissing strangers and realizing that no, none of them are quite good enough.

“I thought maybe you’d fight harder,” Saya says, tearing him away from his ruminations, and that stings.

“It’s not my fight to fight,” he tosses back, aggravated. He feels himself flush. It’s not like it never occurred to him – to book a flight to Spain, to come on to Javi after one of the ice shows they share instead of carefully avoiding him, to try to get him to admit to his feelings. But he had let Javi go, and Javi had made his own decisions… It would not do to try to pull him back.

“I know, Yuzu, I’m just – “

Saya is interrupted by a knock on the door, sharp and strong. She shrugs, and looks to Yuzu. He nods and she walks to the door to open it a fraction.

He hears Saya’s surprised intake of breath. Then she turns to him, her expression quizzical.

“I’ll see you later,” she tells him and Yuzu wants to ask her what’s going on, but she slips out of the room before he has time to open his mouth. The door opens a bit further… and in steps Javi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like it? Hate it? Let me know. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzu and Javi meet again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, please look at the drawings featured in this story and go shower MsDaring in praise. <3

_you might not have been my first love_

_but you were the love that made_

_all other loves seem_

_irrelevant_

\- Rupi Kaur

It’s like a sucker punch, the sudden sight of Javi, taking Yuzu’s breath away. He stands there, gaping stupidly, and feels both hot and cold at the same time, his body suddenly all tingly. He prays that his reaction isn’t all that obvious, but he can feel the flush on his cheeks, and he’s sure the wild hope that leaps inside his heart must be on display in his eyes as he stares at Javi.

“Um, can I come in?” Javi asks, voice a little rough around the edges, like his throat is suddenly as dry as Yuzu’s feels.

Yuzu merely nods, speechless. He takes in the backpack slung over Javi’s shoulder, the airline tag still attached. He notes Javi’s worn leather jacket, the rumpled scarf wrapped around his neck, the faint lines of tiredness in his face that are visible even beneath the smile Javi’s giving him, so powerfully _hopeful_ it makes Yuzu’s pulse skip a beat.

“Did you come straight from airport?” Yuzu asks, surprised that his English holds up under the circumstances.

Javi shrugs, as if suddenly aware of his attire and its stark contrast to Yuzu’s formal wear. “Yeah, I did. Am I –“ Javi stops, swallows. “Am I too late? Are you – are you married already?” he asks, and the way his voice catches on _married_ both irritates and delights Yuzu.

“Is just rehearsal tonight, Javi,” he tells Javi and tilts his head, wondering…Could this mean what he wants to believe it means? 

Javi’s sigh of relief confirms his suspicions, and Yuzu almost smiles as the knowledge that Javi would rush to him like this spills like warm honey inside his belly.

“Do you love her?” Javi blurts then. He steps towards Yuzu, reaching out, like he wants to take Yuzu and shake him, demand answers. He stops himself at the last moment, lets his arms drop, like he realizes that it’s not quite his right anymore to touch Yuzu at his leisure. Yuzu appreciates the fact that Javi knows there are boundaries now that he shouldn’t cross without being invited to do so. He also knows that he would let Javi, despite everything. 

“I was not mean enough to ask you that at your wedding,” he says, though, and forces a tiny smirk onto his face.

Javi stops and stares at him, quiet for a moment. Then – to Yuzu’s surprise – he blinks rapidly a few times. There are tears in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Javi says, shaking his head. “I know I’m probably too late for everything, but – I needed to see you. I – I’m getting a divorce. I never should have married in the first place. I should have –“ Javi’s voice breaks, and the tears he’s been trying to hold at bay spill out, leaving glistening trails down his cheeks. “I should have been with you,” he finishes, head bent down, arms hanging limply by his sides.

Yuzu looks at him, at the new lines in Javi’s face that seem to come not from laughter but from sorrow, at the soft way Javi’s eyelashes frame his eyes, at the way his hands twitch so helplessly as he stands there before Yuzu, more vulnerable than he’s ever been.

Suddenly, Yuzu wants to give up everything – the rehearsal, the ceremony, the whole meaningless marriage and the pretense for the sake of other people.

He knows it will cause trouble for Kumiko, but… Yuzu’s always been a selfish one. He wants to kiss Javi, kiss the tears away… and so he does.

His heart feels mad inside his chest and there’s no finesse to it, how could there be, when his hands tremble as badly as autumn leaves in the wind. He unceremoniously grabs a fistful of Javi’s jacket and pulls him close, closer. Javi’s surprised eyes clash with Yuzu’s for a second, but then their lips meet and Javi’s mouth falls open with a gasp, just as his eyes slide shut.

Yuzu doesn’t need to see, he doesn’t even need to breathe, because Javi’s mouth is incredibly hot, sending his senses into overdrive. It’s everything, the way Javi’s tongue tastes, the sparks it sends down his spine, every lover Yuzu’s had these past few years obliterated in a blink, rendered irrelevant in the face of this.

And when Javi’s arms finally wake up and encircle his waist, slipping into their practiced place, Yuzu knows that this is_ right_. He knows it will not be easy, not an arrangement that will make his life simpler. In fact, it will be the opposite of easy – the media, the fans, the overall furore of Yuzuru Hanyu being gay, and what’s more, gay with supposedly straight Javier Fernández.

If things were different, maybe Yuzu would have wondered if he was perhaps risking too much.It feels like falling, like that team building exercise they made them participate in at training camp all those years ago – the one where you stand on a table and let yourself fall backwards, eyes closed, relying on your team-mates to catch you. Yuzu has always hated that.

But with Javi, now that Javi has come back to him, choosing this – him_, them_ – of his own free will… with Javi, Yuzu lets himself fall gladly. With Javi, Yuzu knows he’ll never hit the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do we deserve, MsDaring and I? Cookies, coals?

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Feelings? I'd love to hear them all!


End file.
